Readers’ Rock List: Who Should Be Nominated For the Hall of Fame? I wish someone would make a cover album of all of Weird Al Yankovic's ballads and take it seriously as a tribute to Yankovic's powerful writing, just like Jennifer Warnes did in 1987 when she released Famous Blue Raincoat (recently remastered) an album covering the songs of Leonard Cohen, a true genius. Do I Creep You Out? is a parody, not an original. It's not about relationships and it's not that funny.
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I don't think Don't Download This Song should be added to the list because it doesn't really tug at your heart. He needs to write five more songs in the style of Ome More Minute, Melanie, The Good Old Days and You Don't Love Me Anymore, in order to make a Ballads Collection Album. Melanie, The Good Old Days, The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota, and You Don't Love Me Anymore are FOLKSY. One More Minute is performed in a Doo-Wop style. I love Weird Al Yankovic's original, funny and mentally twisted ballads about human relationships. Honey, something tells me you don’t love me anymore Oh, you know this really isn’t like you at all Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep Oh, you think I’m ugly and you say I’m cheap You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill Sometimes I get to thinking you don’t love me anymore. What’s this poisonous cobra doing in my underwear drawer? When you pushed me down the elevator shaft I still remember the way that you laughed You poison my coffee just a little each day You know, I even think it’s kinda cute the way Oh darling, I’m beggin’, won’t you put down that knife? You put those piranhas in my bathtub again Got a funny feeling you don’t love me anymore. Oh, why did you disconnect the breaks on my car? Now you tell all your friends that I’m the Antichrist That time that you made it with the whole hockey team I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
The passion is gone and the flame’s died down Then I tied her to a chair and I shaved off all her hair Well you should’ve seen the look on his face. Oh I’ll never forget the day I bashed in his head Oh, he’d stroll down the aisle with a big friendly smileĪnd he’d say “Howdy” when you walked in the doorĪlways treated me nice, gave me kindly advice Mom would be fixing up something in the kitchenĪnd I’d spend all day long in the basement Oh sometimes I think back to when I was younger I couldn’t stand it so I jumped out from the sixteenth story window You wouldn’t listen when I promised to be true You weren’t impressed when I tattooed your name across my forehead I have to go through your garbage just to learn more about you How can you ignore me when you know that I can’t live without you?
I’m certain that our love would last forever and ever I saw her in the shower reaching for some soapĪnd to think I probably never would have found herĪre you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat? She lived across the street on the fifteenth floor of the Gilmore building
I’d rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare handsĪnd then throw it on the floor and stomp on it ‘till I die I’d rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue Yes, I’d rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue I’d rather have my blood sucked out by leeches Oh, can’t you see what I’m tryin’ to say, Darlin… I’d rather rip out my intestines with a forkĪgain and again and again and again and again. ‘Cause I’d rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase ‘Cause I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love ‘Cause I’d rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass That’s right you ain’t gonna see me cryin’ This is the true power of Weird Al's writing.Īnd I burned down the malt shop where we used to go I have always thought that Weird Al's funniest songs were his original ballads.
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